How to become beautiful

There are two kinds of human behaviour: the sincere and the insincere. Sincere behaviour is the result of adherence to principles, while insincere behaviour shows a lack of principle.

Herbert W Armstrong, the founder of Plain Truth, a magazine published in the US, observed in an article that in his long professional life, he had occasion to meet hundreds and thousands of people from different denominations. But he said that if he were asked what the scarcest quality in human beings was, he would say that it was sincerity. Sincerity is the noblest of all human qualities. But very few people would measure up to this high ideal.

Insincere behaviour or unprincipled behaviour is very easy to indulge in. When you are faced with a situation, it doesn’t require much thought to take a spontaneous decision. Without applying your mind, you can follow the advice of the situation. You can easily understand what is in your interest and what is against it. So in following the dictates of the situation, you don’t need any ideal yardstick to guide you. This kind of behaviour is like that of flowing water. The contours of the surface of the earth determine its path. The one who is insincere is always ready to accede to the demands of a given situation.

In comparison sincerity is a difficult option. When you are a sincere person, you cannot afford to go against your conscience or moral norms... It is the difference between the two that makes one a difficult option and the other a very easy option. Sincerity invites you to ponder over the situation, to try to choose the best course of action, even if it is against your desires.

In terms of social requirements, principled behaviour is very important. It makes you predictable to others, who can then anticipate your behaviour before dealing with you. On the other hand, insincerity makes you an unpredictable person. It becomes difficult to understand what kind of attitude you are going to adopt in the future.

Principled behaviour makes you a true human being, while unprincipled behaviour makes you an unpredictable character, one capable of inhuman behaviour.

Unprincipled behaviour can give you some benefits, but these are of a temporary nature. Permanent benefits can be achieved only through principled behaviour. Sincere people are able to receive divine inspiration. Sincerity develops one’s spirituality, while insincerity ruins one’s personality. The insincere person fails to have spiritual experiences in his life.

The greatest drawback of unprincipled behaviour is that it is like a form of psychological suicide. One who opts for the insincere path first kills his conscience, for without suppressing your conscience you cannot be insincere in your behaviour. Conscience is a moral watchdog in your life. It is the finest gift of nature. One who goes against his conscience is making a self-destructive choice. One should keep his conscience alive by listening to his inner voice. One’s inner voice is the voice of conscience.

Going against your conscience is not easy. It is this behaviour that creates what is called tension or stress. If you want to live with a tension free mind, listen to the voice of your conscience and follow it without any reservation.

Sincerity is not a single value. Sincerity combines all good human values. Where there is sincerity, there are all kinds of moral beauty. In contrast, insincerity makes you ugly.



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Devotion devoid of you

What is difference between love and devotion?

What you call as love, if you are not devoted to the person whom you love, there is really no love; it is only a mutual benefit scheme. When you truly love somebody, you will naturally be devoted; how can you not? One, who does not know devotion to the one he loves, does not know love at all. Then it is just a socially picked up word – because everybody is saying, “I love you,” you are also saying it.

Love has conditions attached to it. Only if your expectations are fulfilled, your love affair will continue, otherwise it will end. Devotion is not like that. It is unconditional. Love also genuinely becomes a fulfilling and life-nurturing process for any one only when it is unconditional. The moment it is conditional, it becomes a transaction. Human transactions at the physical, emotional and intellectual levels are often referred to as love. “You fulfill my need; I will fulfill your need.” It is just useful; it is utilitarian. People do not like to see it that way because it makes their lives ugly. So they want to give it a beautiful name, so they call it `love.’

Observe this at places of worship: What people think is devotion to God might not in fact be so. Here, too, there is a transaction. You do whatever you think God expects you to do, and then God is supposed to do many other things for you. This is deal making, and an unfair one.

Love and devotion, however, are not two different things, but people still do tend to see them as being separate because one is meant for a higher purpose and another is expected to fulfill a daily need. But there is no need to separate the two. Love is devotion and devotion is love. Without love, how can anybody be devout? Just because you have ascribed to yourself a certain religion or faith, you don’t instantly become a devotee – a devotee is just drawn.

A devotee is never thinking in terms of his own well being. Only one who can look beyond his own wellbeing can be a devotee. You cannot cultivate devotion. Cultivated devotion is deception. When you are overwhelmed by something, you will naturally be devoted to it. It takes experience for devotion to be natural. When you plant a rose plant, you don’t try to get a flower out of it immediately. You just nurture it. When it is sufficiently nurtured, it will blossom forth.

So devotion is like a flower. It is not something that you try to do. If you dig into the earth, you will not find a flower or fruit, but it all comes from there; the plant is only a passage from earth to flower. The fragrant flower does not display any trace of soil, manure or water – it is devoid of all that. Devotion is devoid of you. When you become just a conduit for life, you become an outpouring of devotion. No one has ever achieved anything of significance in any sphere of life without being devoted to what he is doing. Devotion is not only the sweetest way to be, but also the most intelligent way to be, as a devotee effortlessly perceives what one of intellect will struggle with for a lifetime.



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We’re all the same, Believe It

To be able to see all things as one, you have to be in a state of mind that does not differentiate between likes and dislikes that are manifested in those we are looking at. Vedanta says the universe is the Supreme Absolute from which all evolved.

Shankara writes in the Atma Bodha that Self of all is like the sun and the attitude we develop are like clouds that hide the sun. When we look at a person beyond his attitudes, we find that we are all of the same eternal self luminous Atma. “Sages see with an equal eye, a learned and humble Brahmin, a cow, an elephant or even a dog or an outcaste,” said Krishna to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita (5.18).

A merchant goes to a wood sculptor and asks him to make an idol of Krishna in sandalwood. The sculptor requests for 15 days’ time to locate the right sandalwood to commence work. Not finding a suitable piece of wood, he goes to the merchant’s house to tell him of his inability to make the idol. The merchant is away and his wife asks him to wait. The sculptor’s eye falls on a wooden log in a corner of the room. H asks the merchant’s wife if he could take it. With her permission, he chisels out an enchanting image of Krishna. On seeing the idol the merchant praises the work; he could not believe that the wooden log which was there all the time in his house was used to make the fine idol. Then the sculptor says that all he had done was to remove the unwanted parts of the wood so that what remained was the image of Krishna. Similarly, we have to remove all irrelevant identities in us so that the Self in us shines forth.

That homogeneous mass of pure consciousness that is present in all of us is termed as Atma. It is timeless and eternal, says Krishna in the Gita. The nature of Self is sat, chit and ananda. Pure consciousness continues to survive after the death of the body. It is immortal; hence it is called Sat. Consciousness is called Chit in Sanskrit. It is also known as Chaitanya. It is not limited by time or space and hence is limitless, that is, ananta. Hence it is known as ananda which means a sense of completeness, a sense of fulfillment.

The eternal Self is the ultimate phase, like gold, while the name and form of an individual is like that of gold jewellery. Some may not like the making of the jewel but the gold that is in it is not inferior. The face value of a currency note is the same even if it is soiled. Every individual is the same like gold and the intrinsic value of a currency note. This is what Shankara tries to convey through the prism of advaita philosophy.

The dvaita philosophy of Madhava endorses the need for every individual to live life in a way that enables one to take out or forge an attractive jewel out the gold or clean the currency note so that it become new and crisp. Both these great exponents of philosophy, of advaita and dvaita, have really said the same thing but in different ways. Shankara asks us to see others in the same perspective as we see ourselves. Madhva explains to us that even though others see us in the same perspective as they see themselves, it is righteousness to live a quality life.



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The only way out is in, so look deep within

We constantly seek a deeper experience of life, one way or the other. Whatever one may seek God, alcohol, drugs, meditation or any thing that one feels will provide relief, give pleasure or fulfillment you are only seeking to have a larger slice of life .

The intention is always the same, somehow to have a deeper experience, to extract a little more out of life, to find access to that which is not yet for you. The question is not of the intention as the intention is always the same; it is only of whether it works or not.

Everything you've done in your life so far has been in pursuit of joy career, business, making money or starting a family. From when you were a child till now, is your joy increasing or decreasing? Now that you have grown up, you have your own life, your own family, your own bank account, everything of your own ^ has your joy multiplied? In the last 24 hours, how many moments of joy have you known?

When you came into this world, you came with no investment. So whatever happens in your life, anyway you are in profit. But the reason people are in various levels of distress is because there is no life-sense, only ego-sense. If you are miserable, it is because life is not happening the way you think it should happen. If everything happened the way you think it should, the whole existence would happen within the limitation of your limited thought. Is it not wonderful that so many things that you could never imagine are happening? What you enjoyed, your parents were distressed about. What you are distressed about, your children are enjoying.

The nature and basis of your experience is within you. Pain and pleasure, joy and misery, agony and ecstasy happen only within you. The very seat of your experience is within you. So why try to extract joy from outside? At best, the outside can provide a stimulus.

If you depend on the outside to bring joy to you, understand that the outside never happens a hundred per cent the way you want it. Those who think that there is something like an ideal situation are not in touch with reality. No situation or person will ever happen a hundred per cent the way you want it. But at least you should happen the way you want yourself to be. Then there would be no need for you to be in pursuit of your happiness. So the question is not of intention or direction, but of doing that which works.

If you did happen the way you want yourself to be, joy would be the natural choice. What we refer to as inner engineering means not seeing joy as something that we could achieve in our life but seeing joy as the very basis of our lives. Joy is not the goal; it is the square one of our life. Other things can happen only if there is joy. Otherwise, you will live constantly with the fear of misery striking at you.

What great things you achieve in your life will depend on your capabilities, the situation, and the prevailing times. Regardless of what you do or don't, my wish and blessing is that your experience of life is pleasant and graceful.


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Relationships thrive on kindness and love

Human beings are born in relationship and the lives we lead right from infancy to old age are anchored in relationships. It is in relationship that we grow and achieve adulthood and die in the final peace that comes through dying in a trusting relationship with God.

There are many views on the nature of human relationships. In practice, however, it is the day-to-day relationships that must survive the wear and tear of daily life. Sometimes we find that in order not to sour a relationship, it is better to keep a distance. At other times, a clean break becomes necessary. We need to learn to cultivate relationships in a way that there is room for love, mutual respect and space for the other to grow.

At work the equations are different. In an office or a work environment, in which hierarchy is important, relationships tend to remain at a rather superficial level. There is a certain give and take in official relationships, but they rarely survive once we are out of that particular work situation and environment.

The family, which was once the primary environment for close relationships, is no longer so for many because the sanctity of relationships is under threat. When mistrust and insecurity make demands of family life cloying, we might have to make that extra effort to strike a balance that will restore the pristine nature of the original relationship.

Relationships become our chief means of reaching God. Ritual, common prayer, worship and solidarity are all conventional ways to do this. If we wish to take the relationship still further, we might have to establish a more personal link with God. Sometimes, the give and take of ordinary relationships creates a gentle arc that connects us to the Divine.

Conversations are an important way of building up relationships. They could be silent or expressed vocally. Such relationships look beyond a given set of circumstances for a wider, deeper perspective, to understand the truth that lies beneath what is apparent on the surface.

The longer we live and the more experienced we are, our ability to discern the true nature of relationships improves. We are able to take considered decisions on whether to continue with a certain relationship or call it quits without acrimony or hatred.


When we cultivate virtues like patience, compassion, mutual respect and a loving nature, we are well on the way to touching the heart of God, whose reflection we see in other human beings. God invites us through the diversity and wealth of His Creation, to a relationship of universal love. To love His Creation is to love God.

Any relationship that is nurtured for selfish motives and which is vulnerable to feelings of jealousy, hate and suspicion cannot last for it is not founded on unselfish love. And without the ingredient of love, a relationship lacks the spark that can help take it forward towards higher dimensions.

We might remember those who built empires or created elaborate monuments for themselves in the course of remembering inconsequential details of material achievements. Immortal memories ^ in our collective consciousness ^ would however be made up of those acts of kindness and love that came unsolicited, or of those who nudged us on to the path to finding God, to share with us the divine experience of unalloyed bliss.


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Looking for a Perfect Spouse?

Once two friends met in a restaurant. One told the other that his marriage has been arranged, and he invited his friend to attend the wedding.

He also enquired as to whether his friend had considered marriage. "Yes", replied the friend, "I was quite eager to get married and set out to find the perfect wife.

I met a woman in Spain. She was beautiful, intelligent and spiritual, but she had no worldly knowledge, so I couldn't consider marrying her.

In Korea I met another woman. She was beautiful, intelligent and had both worldly and spiritual knowledge, but I couldn't communicate with her. So again, I continued my search. Finally,

I met her in Afghanistan - the woman of my dreams. She was perfect in all respects. I could even communicate with her." Interrupting, the first fellow enquired,

"Did you marry her?" "No," replied his friend.

"Why not?" asked the first fellow. "Because she, herself was looking for the perfect husband."

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Mind: Good servant, bad master

The mind is the reason behind a person's bondage or salvation. Pious and benevolent resolves and actions purify the mind, remove all faults and lead to final salvation, says Lilashahji in a discourse.

The same mind, when it becomes impure by impious resolves and actions, promotes insentience and binds one to bondage of this world.

Take your mind to task everyday! Constantly counsel your mind. "O restless mind! Now be quiet and steady. Why do you disturb me by wandering all the time? Time and again you run after sense pleasures and worldly relations, seeking company in relationships but don’t you know that they are short-lived? You have been forced to abandon them in all of your previous lives and will have to abandon them in this life as well. So immerse yourself in meditation of your True Self that is always with you, that is Bliss Supreme.”

The mind is deceptive. Never trust it. Keep a constant watch to see whether the mind is following your commands. Keep a vigil on its activities at all times. You have to always be ready to discipline the mind with the stick of insightful discrimination, ready to take preventive action and restrain the mind from engaging in any act of transgression against established principles and time-tested social norms.

Never allow the mind free rein because it is an incredible treasure house of tremendous powers. It is such a fast horse as can easily and quickly simply gallop towards its goal if only given good direction by keeping it in control. Without restraint, it is most likely to go berserk and throw you into a pile of thorny bushes. Always keep a tight vigil on the mind. Do not give it free time at all; otherwise it will suck you into undesirable activity. As the saying goes, 'An idle mind is a devil's workshop'. Therefore, always keep the mind engaged in some worthwhile pursuit, something that requires application of the mind.

Ruminate on the Self, study the scriptures, listen to the discourses of the wise and those with positive knowledge and engage yourself in chanting the name of the Supreme Being. Never allow the mind to run free. And when it strays, as it frequently will, prod it and rein it back. Just as a large animal can be controlled with a goad, the mind will also come under your complete control with constant monitoring and discipline. The mind has no sovereign power of its own; you yourself have created it. It is your own child whom you have spoilt with excessive pampering. Insightful restraint is the key to keep a loved one from straying. A sapling must be protected until it grows and turns into a tree. Similarly, your constant vigil is required to protect the mind from going berserk.

Towards accomplishing this, the following experiment could prove instructive: Lie down flat on a blanket. Leave the body loose and relaxed. Keep yourself completely calm. Forget the whole world and when you’ll think with a tranquil mind, you will see that all events of happiness and sorrow are the results of your own past deeds; and friends or foes are only instrumental in bringing to you what is your due. When you are awake, the world exists; and when you are asleep, it ceases to exist. In effect, the world is unreal; it’s like a dream. This is the Truth and this is ultimate reality.

As the mind comes to realise the Truth, it will become calm and silent. A silent and serene mind is always pure.



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